What if
by dreamingofsunshine
Summary: Seth has finally killed Keenan, some people’s thoughts and regrets.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **What if...

**Summary: **Seth has finally killed Keenan, some people's thoughts and regrets.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters or books, however much I wish I did, also I am am, sadly, not making any money from this, so please don't sue me!

**This is set after Fragile Eternity, random thing that came to me and requested to be written. Please tell me what you think.**

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What if I could tell you everything and anything I wanted to? What would I say? Would you run away? Would you finally come and sit down beside me? Kiss me? Hold me? Now I'll never know, I imagine it, all the time. I imagine what I would say, what I can't now, because of Him.

I would say I loved you. The way you walk, trying to be brave, to hide that you are still afraid of what you are, what I am. The way you smile, sunlight glinting through your teeth, flowers glowing in your eyes, mirroring mine. The way you complete me, how when you enter the room it feels like there is something keeping me there. The way when you concentrate you chew your lip, even though it reminds me of Him, I love it.

I would say you love me too. I know it now, more strongly than I ever did, before. I saw how you mourned, how you turned them all away, even Him. I saw how you made flowers and trees grow into glorious life to remember me. I heard the cries you would never utter, the plea that He had never returned, that it had just remained the two of us.

I would say I'm sorry. I'm sorry you never understood until too late; we complete each other, we _were_ meant to be. I'm sorry I let him fool you. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, even with all my power. I'm sorry you're alone now, I'm sorry I made it so that this had to happen. I'm sorry you knew so much before you changed. I'm sorry that you can never truly trust us. I'm sorry that you shouldn't, that we can never be trusted.

But I would never say I'm sorry for meeting you. You were my other half, and I know that if I had not met you I would never understand how it felt like to be wholly, truly me.

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	2. Chapter 2

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What if I had seen before? What if I hadn't been so blinded? Could I have saved you? Would you have let me? Would I be happy now? I don't know. I don't even remember what happiness is anymore, it's been too long.

I carry on helping my court, our court, but my soul is not in the work, it is out looking for its other half, you. I try to hold back the tears, no weakness shall show, but I am breaking, I never knew how weak I would be without you. It's so much worse than I could have imagined before.

I would never tell anyone, even you, but I miss you. So bad. I don't think I can carry on much longer, but I must, for us, for our court. I need you to save me, but you can't, you've gone to a place I cannot follow. I suppose I should hate you, because of you I shall never naturally find you again, but I can't, I could never truly hate you, even though I tried.

I could never hate him either, though. I know you're gone because of him, but as I watch him, watching me, I want him. I want his warmth, his calm, his beauty. I cannot go to him though, I cannot forgive him so easily, I cannot let you die so quickly.

I want you back; I want the glow that comes from you. Sometimes I sit for hours, just staring at my arms, imagining they are darker, longer, stronger, yours. I want your smile, giving promises of meadows and brooks, of peace. I want to tell you what I never did before. What I never knew before. I love you too.

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	3. Chapter 3

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I see you, mooning after him. I don't know what came over me. I lost control, he went too far, I don't regret killing him, that arrogant faerie. But I regret hurting you, you never deserved that. We both lied, we both deceived you, and for that I'm sorry. But we both loved you too. And I think you loved both of us, I think you still do. Sometimes, as I watch you from the shadows, I see you turn, start to come towards me, then move away. I know you watch me just as much as I watch you. I know you missed me when I had to go. I know I love you. I gave up my mortality for eternity with you, and I don't regret that either. Even if I can only watch your sadness at his death, it will be worth it. My imagination will suffice. And maybe one day you'll come back. I hope if I believe hard enough it will come true.

But I know it won't. I know we both hurt you too much for you to forgive me yet. So for now I just ask one thing. Remember me, remember what we had, remember I always have, and always will love you.

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**AN – In case this confused you, the first one was Keenan POV, the second Aislinn, and the last Seth. Please review! **


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